romans 8:38-39

 for a long time, i'd keep this blog dead even though i'd often have things to say. but today, i really feel renewed and as if this blog could maybe bless someone somewhere. lately i've been kinda going through tough times, all over and it's been difficult to still maintain this walk with God. He's been so faraway ever since camp really and i could not understand why, just why when everyone was growing in God i was slipping away from Him and i was backsliding. It was so hard to connect with God and all i've felt was conviction for not being able to draw near and adding that to my other problems, it was a really tough time for me. But today, after listening to a sermon by pastor Michael Rowan about making changes and discussing about apologetics in church and listening to worship songs, i mean in between all those, i just felt as if all along God was testing me so that when the test was kinda over, i'd be stronger and i'd truly be able to relate to people who said that God was faraway. it really does change my perception because at that time when i was backsliding, i truly believed, i wasn't meant for God's kingdom, that i am not perfect enough to be used by God and only now as i am typing this do i understand how untrue that is. i remember the time during devotion at camp when one of my roomies said she couldn't feel God and i simply said what i've always heard, He's there, have faith and so on but when i experienced it.. it's scary even.. and those words when said so lightly made no sense at all. i didn't believe it when people told me i could be used for God's kingdom, cause i have never really done anything to be worthy of that and i now realize that no matter what i do, i'm never gonna be worthy of the love God has so graciously given me. His love is based on His grace and mercy and nothing on earth i ever do can be worth that. All i can do is live my most for Him.

I'm really looking forward to my sarawak mission trip which i have been so incredibly blessed with. Even though i'm but a mere what 15 yr old girl? i won't forget, an ordinary person with an extraordinary God can do extraordinary things.

anyways, here's what i learnt today. i should learn how to rely on God for strength each day. each and every day, ask God to bless me enough for a day, kinda like how He provided the Israelites manna for a day at a time only. when i come to a wall, i should rely on God to magnify His power through me to get over it instead of pushing myself to do it myself.

all in all i had an eventful day and i'm looking forward to tomorrow! bye!

"For i am persuaded that neither life nor death, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor yet to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

live.revolution

ok, this is gonna be a long long wordy post.

i'm thinking bout bringing this blog back to life. writing here has always made what happened to me more real in a way. God's been moving mountains in my life and this is gonna be my journal.so i challenge you to read on! you know, previously i was always kinda scared of what people will think of me when they read my blog, like eeyer, Jesus freak.. but now, i'm proud to be one cos i've got the greatest gift of all..=)

Anyways, camp was really awesome. since it wasn't held at the usual peacehaven, many people didn't want to go. that's too bad cos they really missed out on one of the biggest most powerful events ever. I was kinda nervous about my responsibilities this time as assistant games group leader and room leader. I really wanted to do it well but ended up acting like a leader more than actually being a good one. i realized that on the third day. cos a guy got hurt on the second day and i prayed for him with my room members and after that i felt so ashamed and sad cos it was as if i prayed with them to look more ber-leader and not very sincerely. Thank God for giving second chances. I got right with Him that night and things were more different la. Read on..

anyways, on the first night itself, God's presence was mind blowing. We were challenged to make a covenant with Him to live by Him. I knew that i had to step up to that altar then. If you don't know what a covenant is, it's basically a promise that is like mega big deal in olden times. this way the biggest decision i've ever made but i know it's the only one i'll never ever regret making. i know it's gonna be tough to stand up for God sometimes because the journey will be long and tough as forewarned in the Bible. But i know that God's with me every step of the way. Through this covenant i've found purpose in life and it's amazing. to the skeptical, this is really dumb but i don't really care anymore. i know that i've been chosen to carry out what God has planned for me and though i'm scared i know i need not worry cos the Bible says that God knows the plans he has for us, plans not of evil but plans to prosper us and to give us a future . He's just being realer than ever.

On the second night however, it was as if God had left me and was so faraway. I felt so incredibly empty and scared like never before because i kept getting distracted during worship and i couldn't bear it. It was like a big hole in my chest and when worship was getting really intense and powerful, i cried out to God. There i was, praying for mercy and in tongues doing all i can to avoid distractions and to fulfill my covenant and though there wasn't a one blast snap lightning, i knew that by the end of the night, things were different. despite the subtle-ness of the change, it occured. I was still scared tho because i worried that maybe i'm not good enough for God and i was worthless.. felt really down la..

third night was great tho.. some things that Pastor Rose said were like speaking directly through me and it was amazing.. she said things like even though we may feel that God is faraway, He will never leave us alone because he has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. I was scared to believe that, so afraid i was being perasan when thinking that God really loves me like mega a lot that Jesus died for my sins and all, so afraid i was wrong. But i came to realize that sometimes, the devil will try to persuade you into thinking you're not enough, you suck, you don't deserve this life but as a Christian you have to be "perasan" sometimes. only here it means sensitive to what God is telling you. Never be discouraged and always remember God is right there with you even when He feels faraway. Later that night we were split to guys and girls. As girls, we had a calling to rise up as powerful women of God, to support the guys and make a difference. It was such a powerful spirit-filled moment that i was blown away by how much God is working in us and how much we could rise up to be as a church if we all obeyed our callings. i've been struggling to find my purpose and as i prayed with my friends that day, it felt so right, that this was the life i was destined for, this is the right road. i really like this verse. Isaiah 30:21, your ears shall hear a word behind you saying,"This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right hand or to the left. All my life i'd been making decisions i've regretted but this was the start of an entire new relationship with God. it was as if this was the beginning of my future. I will put my trust in the God who fearfully and wonderfully created me (Psalms 139). Also i realized that i had such an incredible family behind me in church too. Thet've been there for me to pray for me, cry with me, listen to me and inspire me. I'm truly blessed as i am.

On the fourth night, the altar call was made for those who wanted to make that covenant but weren't ready to do so on the first night. there was a point when i was sitting all alone as my friends went up and the speaker asked us to get real with our worship in our own ways. I felt God telling me to stand up and for a while i was scared and self conscious but i knew it was the right thing. The only otherpeople standing were at the altar call and i was quite near them so not that bad la. Though it may not have been beacuse of me, i learnt an important lesson. when you make a stand for something you believe in, you WILL inspire others to do the same. sometimes that means standing alone for a while but if you try to grasp the bigger picture, it will all end well because it's all part of God's master plan. Many times during worship i felt God asking me to kneel and it's scary to put yourself ont he line like that but i usually succumbed to it after long negotiation with Him in my mind. only now i realized that it was meant for me to remember to be humble and never put my other priorities before God. i knew that this promise was different, i wasn't going to let this fire burn out. I feel changed inside out and really want to step out. i think God wants to use me to evangelize and bring others to know His love and i'm gonna give it my best shot. BECAUSE, ONE DAY, i'm going to stand face to face with our Saviour, Healer and creator and when that time comes, i want Him to be proud of what i've done for Him by Him and i DO NOT want to regret how i lived my live.I realized that it wasn't worth it, hiding out in my cowardly shell when i can make a difference in our nation. This is our generation, the generation that will make a difference and seek His face. i will make a stand and not back down. when you find your passion and purpose in life you don't back down or run away, you stand up and fight for what you believe in. God still handcrafts miracle if we play our part.

This camp ultimately changed my life and brought me to an entirely new level with God. i like this saying where courage is not the absence of fear but rather the mastery of it. I refuse to let fear overwhelm me so that i fail God. that is one of my biggest fears. this is the path i choose forevermore. After all, i was created to serve God.

On a lighter note, camp was really amazing too in the sense i met so many new and ineteresting people. To my room members, ker jun, jasmine, li shyen, erica, jessie, chloe, ainslyn and even roxanne, thanks for making camp memorable for me. These guys are truly wonderful and very patient with me.. XD i'm so proud to know them all.. XD It was incredible to meet my fellow games group members too and i got closer with annabelle, the other assistant. hahha, you rock, girl! from football, basketball and volleyball i've met really great people too especially christopher and daniel who we've really gotten closer to. Haha, it's reli amazing that even in five short days, we've all become so close. I'm much closer to amanda and pearly and even christine who i barely knew before camp now. God has a way of strengthening our realtionships at camp that way. XD.. christopher i knew on the second day from their bball match with amanda and all, daniel third day from playing football and volleyball. he's amanda's old school friend too, how coincidental is that? hahah i mean, all of us got so close in less than a week man. on the fourth morning, daniel didn't even know my name but by dinner all six-seven of us like gila over everything dey and felt like we've all known each other much longer. hahah, but amanda, pearly and christine were the best man, they were there for me to listen to my troubles and my crap all the time man. Gosh, i love all these people, they're all such amazing people with so much potential and i'm proud to be their friends. XD food was really awesome too, yum! it was just showering that was difficult and sleeping that was hard and painful and very cold.

haha, i had so much fun on the last night playing football and ice and water(roll eye).. XD, apparently i can kick a ball.. lol..injuries happened everywhere man, like amanda's leg and christine's leg.. gee, all i had was a bongkak on my head which i have no explanation to..  ish, then kena sabo summore with shaving cream and toothpaste thanks to amanda, colin, ian, david, jake and other too free people.. lol, i miss it already.. on the last monring, super funny wey, this amanda say wanna play bball with chris mana tahu he sleeping on and we woke up at 5.45(?) for nothing.. summore slept at 3.. haihz, so we fell asleep at the basketball court stairs, which was actually suprisingly more comfortable than the rooms.. XD, not so freaking cold..

all in all, camp was so worth it and i am so glad i went for this. It was nothing like i expected yet everything i hoped for and more. I hope i'll be able to live a God-pleasing life now and forevermore. =) i'll be here, living a revolution. God bless!

easter

HAHAHAHAH..

by the grace of God, i did it!!!! 7a's!! hahah, i'm more relieved than happy but it feels like God is always there for me.. phew, ahahaha, i am so ber-mixed emotions now..XDXD.. oh and i've become more aware of the little blessings around me that i wouldn't normally notice but the other day at the mall i leaned out the escalator to eavesdrop on my sister's and mum's conversation and somehow at the last moment i sunconciously(?) pulled my head away and omg, i nearly hit my head on this plastic thingy hanging from the other escalator.. hard to imagine la but after i pulled my head away my sister said to me, wow, u nearly lost ur head man!! and the first thing that came to my mind was raechen talking about our guardian angels at camp and i was like WHOA!! hahha, then later at night, i leaned next to the dvd player with my hair down next to the fan and pulled my head out subconciously(??) again realizing that if i stayed a bit longer there my hair could have gotten stuck in the fan and ( insert gory events)... XD.. i feel so protected!! and, my super "matured" but really awesome cg leader, roxanne tagged me and here goes..

Here’s how it works:
Use the first letter of your name to answer each question.
Must be places, names…Nothing made up.
Can’t use own name for boy/girl’s name question.
If can’t answer, skip to next one.

Hmm..mine is "c" for candice

1. Famous Singer: chris Tomlin? ( i checked) XD

2. Four Letter Word: Choc

3. Street: coconut street?

4. Colour: cyan

5. Gifts/Present: chocolate?XD

6. Vehicle: Car!!! XD

7. Things in Souvenir Shop:Caps? 

8. Boy Name: Craig

9. Girl Name: Caitlin

10. Movie title: Chipmunks?

11. Drink: coconut juice

12. Occupation: Chocolatier? hahaha..

13. Celebrity: Candice Bergen

14. Magazine: Cerdik?

15. U.S. City: Colorado? is it a city?

16. Pro Sports: Coconut wars!!

17. Fruit: Coconut

18. Reason for Being Late to work: Coconut drop on my head...

19. Something you throw away: Coconut shell lor... XD..

20. Something you shout: coconuts!!

It's a bit lame but hope you enjoyed it!! byebye!! God bless!!

yc camp 07, take that leap of faith and God will catch u

hey!! i've just returned from camp a totally transformed person.. the four days i spent there were the most emo and spiritual and amazing days of my life... pastor cameron and pastor renee were speaking there and they're sermons blew my minda away.. i cried like crazy often..

1st day..

i left for camp and din do much but settle in.. at night though pastor cameron gave his first sermon and it was so awesome.he preached a really powerful message.  he spoke on passion and courage.. " we need to understand just how passionately God loves us""God loves us exactly the way we are" oh man, i cried so hard cos i felt love that went beyond anything..God was so real to me there and i decided to reli live for God there..Btw peacehaven is so beautiful.. there are sceneries so beautiful it takes ur breath away.. XD.. and, it's freezing there too.. even though the shower water was cold and toilets were bit weird and the beds creaked at night and loads more, i had one of the best times ever..

2nd day

today was pretty emo tho not as much as the previous.. pastor renee spoke in the morning bout forgiveness and labeling and when i walked up that altar i cried like crap.. i feel much braver now to worship passionately or walk up the altar..then, we had games which were rather embarassing but fun nevertheless..pastor cameron spoke at night and it was awesome.. i tak emo yet  then he had an altar call for those who wanna live for God and i stood and still ok till raechen prayed for me and bam... cried like pretty hard cos of what she said and it made me feel like i can make a difference.. she changed my perspective wid that prayer man..

3rd day

today my life seriously changed.. i was baptized in the Holy Spirit today and cried real hard today man.. pastor Renee was saying how she was moved to talk about the Holy Spirit(HS) today and i started bawling cos i've been praying for this and i knew my prayers were answered.. i can now speak in tongues and it is the most amazing experience.. we prayed for each other in small groups and it was crazy wow.. at night, pastor Rose showed us a video of a sermon by a pastor louie somethin who had a very factual astronomical sermon that blew our minds away.. he ended with the most incredible fact. Laminin is a protein cell that holds our cells together and keeps everything working and it's sorta like a control center, probably the most important cell in us.. when we saw what the cell looked like we were shocked in awe.. this is what a laminin cell looks like..        the way the pastor said it was so amazing.. something like how this adhesive cell thatkeeps everything functioning and holds everything together should bear the shape of the cross that our Lord was crucified on and it was really inspirational..that night many people said the sinner's prayer and gave their lives to God and it is so amazing..God works wonders and my faith is stronger than ever..tonight we had 1.30 curfew cos last day and it was super cool.. praise and worship carried on till 11 and it was so fun!! i was dancing like crazy and jumping and screaming..  we sang songs like reflector and open up the gates and loads more... super fun la.. at some point all of us jumping in the front started running round the hall to the other end, it was so awesome.. praise God right? XD a friend's friend just bleaghked my face wid toothpaste that night too..

4th day

we sorta just came home.. woke up with sore throat tho..

camp was awesome and i feel changed, stronger, happier, better. XD